


I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

by cold_nights_summer_days



Series: Anchor [11]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Comfortember, Crying, Day Ten, Dead Ben Parker, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Magical Realism, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Feels, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, at least i think that's what the end qualifies as?, hopefully, i didn't know whether the characters or the author was supposed to be crying so i did both, just a tad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cold_nights_summer_days/pseuds/cold_nights_summer_days
Summary: Day ten: crying - It's the first anniversary of Ben and May's deaths.---title from good grief by bastille
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, Ben Parker/May Parker (Spider-Man), May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Anchor [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996039
Comments: 5
Kudos: 119
Collections: Comfortember 2020, The Best Irondad/Spiderson Fics, The Best Peter Parker Whump Fics





	I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

**Author's Note:**

> hello! Hope you all are having a perfectly splendid day (minus the hauntings, of course xD) or that if you aren't some good news will come your way soon! 
> 
> I'm excited to share this with you guys, especially beacuse working on it is helping me procrastinate on an english quiz. enjoy!
> 
> if you want the song I listened to while writing, it's Unsaid Emily from Julie and the Phantoms (what can I say, they've got good music!)

Peter knew when he got up that today was going to be a bad day. It was the first anniversary of May and Ben’s deaths, and the first was always the hardest. Peter wasn’t sure if Tony knew. He had been acting off for a few days, but he hadn’t mentioned why.

“Good morning,” Tony said quietly that morning, poking his head into the room briefly. Peter hummed in response but didn’t move from where his face was buried in the pillow. Tony stepped further in the room and closed the door behind him.

“How do you feel today?” He asked. Peter didn’t answer. “I know today is probably going to be pretty rough, so if there’s anything I can do just let me know.”

Peter rolled over to face the ceiling and lifted his arms up. If Peter was closer to four than sixteen, he might have thought that he was asking to be picked up. As it were, Tony recognized this as one of the times that Peter wanted a hug but wasn’t quite awake – or verbal – enough to ask for one.

Tony obliged, but when he tried to stand back up, Peter was still stuck to him. He’d had problems before with the whole “sticky fingers” thing, and Tony thought it might be acting up because of the extra stress. Either way, Peter was definitely stuck.

“I think you’re stuck,” Tony said. Peter mumbled something that Tony didn’t catch.

“What?”

“Can you stay?” He said louder. Ah. 

“Of course,” Tony answered. Peter shifted to the side – or more accurately, Tony moved Peter over to the side because he didn’t seem inclined to do it himself—and then settled on top of the covers next to him. Peter easily tucked himself into Tony’s side.

It was only quiet for a few minutes before Peter spoke again.

“Do you—” He started, pausing as if to consider his words. “Do you think they’d like me?”

“Like you? Peter, why wouldn’t they?”

“I don’t know. I’m just . . . I’m really different than I used to be when they were still here. I don’t really know if they’d still like me if they knew me now.”

_Oh, Peter._

“I’m sure they’d love you, kiddo. They’d be incredibly proud of who you are now and all the work it took for you to get where you are now.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.”

Tony hadn’t actually known May and Ben Parker, but from what he’s heard from Peter, he can’t imagine they’d be anything but proud of where their kid had ended up. Tony hoped they were at least a little proud of him, too. _I’m trying my best,_ Tony thought, _I promise I’ll do right by him._

Later that day, Peter decided that he wanted to visit their graves. Tony had called the CPS worker assigned to his case, Ms. Carroll, for directions to the church where they were buried. It was easier than trying to ask Peter to remember the day of the funeral.

The drive was short and quiet, the silence punctuated every once in a while, by Peter’s quiet sniffles. Tony had brought along a box of tissues, but Peter had yet to touch them. When they got to the graveyard, Peter asked for a few moments alone.

Tony watched from a distance while Peter sat between the two graves, alternating between talking and crying, and sometimes both. Despite desperately wanting to comfort him in this moment, Tony knew that Peter needed his space right now.

Peter walked the short distance to where he knew their graves were. It was sunny despite the chill in the air today, and Peter thought of how much he wished May was here to see it. Sunny autumn days had always been her favorite. She’d open the windows for the fresh air, and when Ben inevitably complained that it was too chilly, she’d pull out a throw blanket and wrap it tightly around his shoulders.

Peter missed those days. Peter missed _them._

Tears fell, but Peter didn’t bother to wipe them away or try to stop them. He briefly considered going back to the car to grab the tissues, but he didn’t do it. They’d still be there when he was done, anyways.

Once he reached his destination, Peter stared down at the matching the headstones for a minute before settling down in front of them.

“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” Peter asked them. Of course there was no physical answer but in the back of his mind, Peter thought he could hear them anyway.

_Too long,_ Ben replied.

“A lot’s happened since you guys . . . had to go. Most of it kind of sucked, honestly. It turns out it wasn’t as easy to live on the street’s as I thought it would be. Almost got stabbed a few times, but I learned how to get away quickly.”

_Oh, honey,_ came May’s sweet voice.

“I’m fine, obviously. None of those injuries ever stuck. Someone almost got me once, but then—and I know this might sound crazy – but Tony Stark showed up. That was probably one of the weirdest nights of my life. It was kind of like the expo all over again, except with a knife-crazy mugger instead of killer robots.”

_You wouldn’t stop talking about that for weeks. I remember your teacher calling us to talk to you about lying. Shocked the hell out of her that I said you were telling the truth,_ Ben said, and Peter swore that he was laughing, at least until May scolded him.

_Don’t curse in front of him!_

“It’s okay, May. Kids in public school are much worse than Uncle Ben. I’ve heard it all.”

_Still._

“Sorry, Ben, I tried. But anyway, I think I finally have somewhere to stay. Permanently, I mean. I bounced around in the system for a while – actually almost got adopted once, before the family decided they wanted someone younger than me – but that’s not really the point. I know that you guys weren’t always a fan of Tony Stark, but he’s my legal guardian now. I promise he’s way different once you actually get to know him. Believe it or not, he kind of reminds me of you, May.”

_Why?_

“Because he can’t cook either. He tries, trust me, but he usually ends up burning it. It’s nice that he tries to, though,” Peter laughed like it was some sort of joke. To him it was, but he could picture May’s indignant expression with Ben trying not to laugh in the background.

_We’re really glad that you have someone, Peter. Even if it can’t be us anymore._

“Thanks,” The laugh turned into a cry, and Peter seemed to forget why he was laughing in the first place on a day like this.

_We don’t want you to be sad for us forever, Peter. We want you to be happy, however that might look for you._

“It just feels really hard sometimes, you know?”

_Yeah. We want you to try though,_ May said softly. Ben chimed in next, trying to lighten the mood and only marginally succeeding.

_Don’t make me pull the “do it for us” card. I’m not against doing it._

“It’s okay, I’m—I’m trying. I will try.”

_Pinky promise?_ They asked. Peter nodded.

“Yeah, pinky promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, darlings!
> 
> If you want to read more, check out/subscribe to the series!
> 
> [Here's my tumblr! ](https://funky--lil--spider.tumblr.com/)  
>    
> Also, I've opened my comissions if you'd be interested in that!
> 
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